i thought that i'm still very upset. i am still seasonally moody...one minute i'm ok, the next minute i'm not. it's like i have vigorous (is that the right word? hmm..) and erratic mood swings. kinda out of control? i'm not sure. good thing i'm on leave, so i can hopefully rejuvenate myself and get back on track. anyway, when i read my previous entry, it seems that i'm getting better. at least the angst is gone. haha. most of the time, i'd probably be feeling resigned/sad/disappointed, and a sense of loss. oh well.
people tell me i can find someone better. it's strange...if i was the adviser to someone in my predicament, i'd probably say the same thing. after all, why try to wear a pair of shoes that doesn't fit? easier said than done though. wish i could, but at the same time, i can't bear to, and i don't want to. silly me, no?
the worst thing about me is that, i can see where both of us went wrong. instead of putting all the blame on him, i know i am at fault too. it's like..i could have done better, but i didn't. sometimes, i feel like i was such a lousy partner..otherwise, why doesn't he even bother to put in the effort? is it really just a matter of his prioritisation, am i too demanding, or...?
maybe we are just not meant to be.
from my point of view, the breakdown in communication and trust is probably the weakest link. i don't have a problem with other people on this... i just hope that this problem will not pose as any big problem for him in future. i don't want him to learn the hard way...don't want him to suffer anymore... just don't understand why i've always had a soft spot for him!! grrr... time to wake up my idea!
looking for a "ji cunxi" from the show 命中注定我爱你..dylan's also very nice, but somehow i prefer cunxi! lol. so out of point. but anyway..just like how chen xinyi managed to morph from a caterpillar into a butterfly, i shall, too......
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