reel life

real life is like reel life.

sometimes when you watch tv, you think to yourself: why is it so dramatic?? why doesn't the lead male or female do this-this-this or that-that-that? things will turn out better!!

unfortunately, things don't always work out the way they should, in the best way where it's a win-win situation. i guess the older you get and if you put serious thought to it, you see the deeper meanings and stories behind those drama serials you watch on tv.

it's strange and i don't know why, but my life has been quite dramatic of late. things that happen are like those you watch on tv, probably plucked out and played into my life by mistake. one after another, i just feel overwhelmed and amazed by the turn of events. so many surprises lined up one after another. it's not my birthday everyday is it? and i don't even get surprises on my birthday. lol.

do things happen for a reason? is everything predetermined and fated? i always believe that whatever is meant to be, it's meant to be and things will turn out fine; it's just a matter of time. and if things are not meant to be, there's no point trying to force things because things won't work out no matter how hard you want it or how hard you try.

i'm confused because there are some things that make me happy and touched, but others that make me pissed and uncertain. however, i know life is short; who knows if i'll still be around to do the things that i really want to do? there are always things that you tend to put off. but there are things that you can't afford when you're older. live in the present. live the way you want to live and cherish what you want to have and already have.

it's tough making choices, but...i've already been stuck in the rut for about 2 years and almost 100% numb and frozen..however, yet and again, i foolishly relent. should i give it another shot and put in all i have? or should i be sceptical and listen to what others say? i believe in the good of man, especially when i really want to believe in it. i don't know why i'm behaving the way i do, because it doesn't even make sense. but sometimes it's really beyond my control.

rational bystanders will say things like "once bitten, twice shy..", "why are you so stupid?", "why do you bother?" and even, "why are you so cheap"? really...am i so? i definitely disagree with the last point. it's totally unreasonable to say that about me. it's so hurtful to hear that, but i also know the person who said that is trying to be harsh for my own good, and i understand that point of view.

there is always a risk in whatever you do, and just like parents to their children, you tend to be more lenient and have much greater capacity than you could imagine to forgive your loved ones. i really appreciate all that you (-who-dote-on-me) have done for me, but i think i want to do what i'm going to do (no matter how foolish and naive i may appear to be...). i will not ask you to wait for me, because i know i'm the one who chose to leave you. even if things don't turn out right for me, i can't blame anyone other than myself.

anyway right now, i'll just be happy. taking things as they come. it's all about doing the right things at the right time with the right person. i don't like to be pressurised to do things, and i won't put unnecessary pressure on whoever. follow the golden rule of "do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

there is no right or wrong in love. don't judge what i do. i'll follow my heart...foolish or not, i'll have to see. even if i do get hurt in the end, it'll just be another scar added on to my already mutilated heart.

same as before, if you don't understand what i'm saying here, don't query me, don't try too hard to analyse/think about it. let it go. out of your mind. click on the "X" at the top right hand corner of this browser. like they say, "out of sight, out of mind".

just let me indulge and be happy the way i am now, will you?