don't know why i started surfing after bathing and ended up reading some blogs, starting with my little cousin's (ok actually she's 16 this year..not that little but...very young!!) blog and got to know the tension they're having at home. my aunt must be very stressed up, with her monthly accounting deadlines, hard-t0-handle teenage daughters, plus aging parents... sigh. i wish i can help somehow. i want to talk to my cousin, to make her see. but as i type this, i wonder if my dad is as disappointed in me as my aunt is in my cousin. =\ some things just don't happen the way you want it to be, even if you don't mean it. when i read my cousin's blog, i realise she's more mature than she looks and than we thought, just that communication is really lacking in the family. and she's kinda like me. implosive anger. the way she keeps quiet when she gets told off by her parents, in order to prevent a retortion in her "pissed off voice", which is not very nice is it? ah well...i'm working on it as well. wish i was closer to my cousin, so that i can at least share her problems, give her some advice, make her feel less helpless than i did when i had (/am having) my share of problems. she doesn't know my blog site; if she does, i want to let her know that even though im super duper highly busy with work (as all of you know!), i always have a listening ear for her. anyway even if she does...i wonder if she will call?
i feel terrible at work, mainly cuz i am spending too many hours at work and not enough hours on whatever else i need to spend time on. this sunday, i'm DEFINITELY going to visit my grandparents. i miss them... sigh. it's scary to grow old and sick. :(
i feel bad towards people who care but i don't care enough about, or can't show care to even though i care. i have to admit i really am an escapist many a time. i'd rather not see the damage i'd done, not think about it, so that i'd forget that anything bad ever happened. so sorry. is everyone like that? or am i the only one? sounds real ugly. i don't know what happened. maybe i really am a pessimist who appears otherwise.
i am quite happy the way i am now, other than in the aspect of my working life (and abit of my family life.. :S). life seems to revolve about just work lately. it's making me quite sick. in fact, i started to feel sick since 3+ just now at work when talking to a client over the phone. too cold in office and nose and throat started to feel irritated, and still are now. may be getting a fever soon...oops. hopefully not. lots of work to finish up tomorrow at my new client's place! new client to my company, and first year audit (operations started since sep'05 only..9 months audit.)..hope it will be smooth and i won't screw it up.
do take care of yourself. look around yourself. life can be good, as long as you live it to the fullest. who knows what/who will come along? i don't want to live my life with regrets, and i don't want you to either. do what is best for you now... and please..really take care of yourself. don't make me worry, can? i want the best for you as well, even though we may not be meant for each other. cherish...
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