missing someone dear

it's the first day that i'm having dinner home this work week. on monday, had to go for a tricky session of performance feedback discussion with a junior, and curry treated shee shee and me to dinner at ichiban sushi. yesterday, went back to office to clean up some work. today...was asked for dinner out, but because already have a date with harry potter and the girls tomorrow evening, i decided to have dinner home today.

to my disappointment...i was informed that there's no soup for dinner. because it was assumed that there were only my parents and the maid eating at home. right...

yes...no soup. i guess not everyone will understand why i'm disappointed.

since young, my grandma is the chef and housemaker at home as i have working parents. as she would put it in teochew, “你是我一手带大的”, which simply means she brought me up singlehandedly. lol. so cute.

she's always worried that we're hungry and not full enough, just like the typical elderly and kind grandma you watch on tv. 家有一老，如有一宝。"eat more, eat more!" she'll say. "eat so little? where got enough? eat more!" haha. can you imagine that? always find it 又好气，又好笑 as we grew up, cuz it's like she's nagging, yet you know she's just worried that you won't have enough to eat even though you may be super full and up to the neck already.

although there were dishes that weren't my favourite, but i remember eating every meal dutifully without needing much coaxing. it could be because i understood that it takes alot to take care of the whole household, making sure everyone is well fed and has 三菜一汤, maybe cuz i'm an obedient girl, or maybe just cuz i respect and care for my grandma.

i miss my grandma occasionally, and miss her alot at some other times. don't know why i missed her so much last night on the cab home from office. and just now when my table lacked a soup. it may sound silly, but i just suddenly miss her so dearly. miss her powdered smell. miss her smile. the little bump on her head. torrent of emotions just washed over me. all triggered by a 汤.

ah ma doted on me. she would be 92 this month if she were still around. i hope she's happily living with ah gong in heaven or wherever they are.

happy birthday, ah ma.

(don't worry about me and us..i'm a big girl now.)