aftermath

Sometimes I think I should go be a counsellor instead of doing accounting stuff. It's so satisfying to talk to people and to be able to help them eventually. Though that is usually really tough cuz people don't like to get help (or don't think they need help) even though and even if they know they need it. Really tough to talk to some people..they just build a barrier around themselves and 拒人于千里之外 if you know what that means. I really 心有余而力不足 ah! Sometimes I feel that I'm asking for trouble (自找麻烦）but..oh well. Something like curiosity kills the cat...and I'm the cat. ^^ My sis would always say "NO DON'T do that! ..." cuz she's less of a thinker than me, which is good. We complement each other hehe. =p

Then again, I'm more practical than that I guess. A career out of counselling is so out..imagine that. My parents would probably strongly object! And I don't think I'd do that myself until I've worked enough to save up enough money. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs just came to my mind suddenly cuz it is quite appropriate to bring it up at this time. For those who don't know, check out http://www.businessballs.com/maslowhierarchyofneeds5.pdf and you'll know what's this model I'm talking about. Satisfaction from helping people etc is probably part of the 5th stage called "self-actualisation", which is the highest stage. Briefly, according to this model, we satisfy our needs at different stages progressively, starting from the 1st stage of "biological and physiological needs". Once the needs at a lower stage is satisfied, we'll naturally move on to satisfy needs at the next stage. Interesting? I always thought so. :P Learnt this from a Year 1 module called Organisational Behaviour, one of my favourites. If it's not interesting, at least I hope I'm not making anyone yawn yet haha. *winks*

Feeling a little tired now. What's new right? Heh. Finally exams are over, but it does feel kind of weird. My paper ended on Friday at 1200 then I went home to rot. Can you believe I didn't go out...actually nothing too amazing. People do that too, just that I felt really bored..sian in fact. Why didn't I go out? Because friends from my usual clique have an afternoon paper that starts at 1430, I didn't ask anyone if they wanna go out, and no one asked me either. So..had to go home~

Didn't really mind going home actually, as I only slept about 3.5 hours from 0330 to 0700 (though I was supposed to wake up at erm...let's say by 0630, to study), and also because my dear sis and HX were studying in the library downstairs. It's becoming another habit studying with the 2 of them..wonder what will happen when all our exams end. Sigh. I'll miss the routine of going downstairs to study early at 0930 till HX comes at around noon to join us, lunch, and attempting to study all the way till dinnertime, followed by a mini-study-marathon until the library closes at 2300, when we're forced to leave. It's quite fun studying together, albeit a little distracting on some rare occasions when we burst out in giggles for no apparent reason. Or if there were any reasons, I can't remember any right now other than telepathy between my sis and I. Hehe... *grins* My sis is the best! *thumbs up* ;)

Probably because exams ended already, I felt a sense of loss on Friday. As I waited for bus 240 at the interchange with packed lunch (Lai Lai chicken rice) for the 3 of us and also waffles from Prima Deli (yummy...I'm getting slightly hungry again oops..), a drizzle started. It didn't remain a drizzle for long..I know it sounds a 'lil strange but it became a heavy drizzle. Very light thin rain of very high frequency and intensity. Can you imagine the kind of rain I'm trying to describe? The wind started blowing the rain to us people waiting for the bus at the interchange. I think I may have looked a bit pathetic/helpless cuz both my hands were full, one holding all the food and the other with my ring file and jacket. Actually I didn't feel that bad lah, just that couldn't shield myself from the heavy drizzle blown right into my face till the bus came. 浪漫一下 by myself. Lol.

That's not the only "romantic scenario" I got into that day. After we went back down after a bath and dinner, I was supposed to complete my friend's FYP case study questionnaire (which was soooo long I took 1 hour 25 min to finish it today!) but totally wasn't in the mood for that, maybe cuz was listening to 梁静茹's 接受 -- a really nice song~ Don't know why but was quite in the depressed and self-pity and wallow-mellow mood, so I left them in the library and went to sit by the poolside on the sun-tanning chair. Felt quite lost...thinking about things I shouldn't think about and feeling sad. Nice breeze then, but too bad couldn't see any stars cuz of the clouds in the sky (unlike on Wednesday night when the skies were clear and we spotted so many twinkling stars! ***) Sigh..that just reminds me of the time I went star gazing once late at night...sadness overwhelms.

I'm alright today; don't feel much of anything. Have been numb since I-don't-know-when. Yang'en was right when he said I was avoiding everytime I said "nvm". When I say "nvm", it probably means I mind, just that I don't want to elaborate on my point or I'm lazy to do so. I wonder if avoiding would be disastrous eventually.

Brings me to something else. My brother's friend got into hospital for depression. Wonder what it's like..they said the cause for his depression is not very clear yet..hope he'll recover soon and everything will turn out fine!

I've been slacking at home these few days, being a real couch potato. Watched 6 hours of video tape yesterday, can you believe it? Haha. My mum recorded the 9pm Channel 8 show that ended already for me.. 任我遨游, the one with lots of hunks and babes hehe. It's quite good to watch.. *drools* haha no lah not cuz of the hot bods..I like the sweetness in some of the 'love stories' inside. Like between Toro and Fiona Xie..so sweet and romantic!! Can't stand it.. *envious* But of course the other girl was sooo...scheming! Can't imagine if there are people like that around but you don't know..scary... *shudders* Heh I think Julian Hee the lifeguard is cute. Boyish look. :P He does remind me of a friend Danz who's in ACJC now..my brother's band junior.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I have learnt the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."

Fantastic quote from Shu Yun..finally chatting to her and Pingz after sooo long! Haven't had the chance to talk to all my buddies from Group A ever since I became a permanent resident for Group B sigh. Don't really like the switch, cuz apparently I know less people in Group B and of course because I miss my clique from Group A!! Now I got to rely on myself, had to think of who to sit with during lecture or just sit alone etc. But never mind! Next semester at least we have a common module hehe.

Anyway back to the quote, I think I'm the "I" stuck inside wanting a perfect ending. Too curious and inquisitive for my own good. I don't really like ambiguity. I NEED to know the truth, the beginning middle and end that are, hopefully, as clear as spring water. Unfortunately, things in reality are not so simple. Why can't a story just have a clear start, continuation and end? Why complicate things? Simplicity is bliss, isn't it? Why ask for more? Why are things always so confusing? It blurs up things..makes my head spin...tears fall...the music plays...memories flow... oh well. Time to sleep. Don't know what I'm driving at anymore. Too tired to think heh. Goodnight :)