unproductive day

Woke up at 0630 today to go school. Didn't really feel like going school today..contrasting huh? Still remember last semester when I studied in school almost every other day for exams. Sigh...things are so different now. Quite dreaded the start of the revision period for exams 2 weeks ago cuz memories started to come back. How it all started. Loved the revision time I had for exams last semester even though I was just as stressed..think I almost looked forward to going school everyday so much so that my friends thought I'm a 'lil crazy going school to study everyday when I could've just stayed home to study haha. Well..at least I had good company at that point in time. =\ I think it's all fate that Anthon became my tax classmate last semester and I got to know CH, BK, Hanxiang etc...my ill fate hahaha.. *half joking*

Slept only 5 hours last night so really didn't want to go school so early. Had to go school cuz have to submit the 206 group report and peer evaluation form today..or rather supposed to meet Angela to pass it to her at 3+ in the afternoon. All Yang'en's fault that I slept only 5 hours!! Chatted to me on MSN non-stop from..was it 11+ or 12+? Anyway the point is, I only came online to blog and check my gmail for the 206 report, but silly Yang'en started talking to me and we talked so much crap. Especially about the part when he said some crap and I started being erm..abusive. VERBAL abuse that is. Hehe.. Ended up that I slept at 0130 =X Knew I'd be tired today..and indeed it turned out that I couldn't really study. Low concentrations...sigh. *P.S. Yang'en: don't need to feel too bad yah hahaha* Only managed to study 1/3 of what I wanted to! But then again I did spend some unplanned time on 206 report cuz Zhu Jun was doing some editing so I helped her with stuff here and there.

By the way, thank you Jingyao and Yingsong for coming down to Canteen B to have lunch with me! Finally so nice haha. I know there's nothing wrong with eating alone, but if I asked you then you should be gentlemanly and be nice and come have lunch with me mah..what are friends for? :P Like for today, studying is important but don't you think building and strengthening a friendship AND bonding (while eating) is more important in the long run? Can fully utilise time also instead of eating and studying! Need some entertainment also some time in the day mah..take a break! Holistic view ok..heh. Anyway don't be too stressed ok! ;)

Getting quite stressed...a lot of people had 311 discussion today and mine's supposed to be tomorrow with Jeannice and Anthon, but Anthon suddenly said he won't join us!! Argh!! Pang seh us...how?? Seems like a lot to do..looking at everyone stresses me up. Hmm...saw Sul, Tianjian, BK, Liyana, CH, Jane, Hanxiang, Eric at reading room and com lab today...everyone studied in the com lab except me...supposed to study with Jeannice at 8+ mah..ended up she reached school only at 1245 after lunch. Almost everyone came after lunch! Other than Sul who can't eat anyway, and Tianjian who disappeared for quite a while after going JP pet shop, everyone came after they had lunch at home. Anyway I can't have lunch with them anyway..so silly right. Haven't seen anyone more petty. Really don't know what's wrong with CH lor..super dao! Walked past him in com lab and his expression just changed from normal to a somewhat taxed (strained) expression when he looked at me. No smile no hi no nothing. Like we don't know each other. What am I supposed to do? Everyone says "ignore him", but that's not possible. Not for me at least. I'm not the kind who can just hate and ignore somebody or pretend I don't know him. It's truly not a feasible solution.

Actually don't you think it's weird? I should be the one to hate and ignore him right? Why on earth is it the other way round? Anyone has any insightful opinions or comments? Is it so difficult to remain as friends? If he could have just pretended that nothing had happened, it would have been so much more natural. It's getting awkward. I don't even know what expression I'm supposed to have, what I can do, or how I'm supposed to behave when I see him. Don't tell me "ignore him"..cuz it doesn't really work. I guess no one knows? Maybe I'll finish the book I bought on ambivalent men..that should help! Lol. *shrugs* I wanna help!!! I don't know you know..I don't know why I still bother. I still care. Probably as a friend-wannabe hahaa. Seriously..no it's not that I can't get over him. Erm....I can't bring myself to say it here leh haha. Weird to write stuff like this on a blog. Not very nice to him somehow. Right? In any case, just pray hard that he'll come to his senses (literally and metaphorically and what-have-you) one day and be 'enlightened' or something like that. I still believe he's not like this by nature (i hope he's not like this by choice too... *fingers crossed*) and what he has done before was not all part of some ploy. THAT would really be depressing, disappointing and saddening.

Ok I'm probably talking too much again. Must be the night mood. Haha. I think I must ban myself from blogging or limit myself before exams..it's taking too much time~ Oops... Hope exams will work out fine...I'll jia you!! Everyone else who has exams/tests/quizzes, jia you too!!


"If you want the rainbow, you must first learn to put up with the rain." - the poster in my room